I’ve written and rewritten and rewritten this first blog post a half a dozen times in the last year.
I came up with a brilliant one while running a half marathon on my 25th birthday in March all about not being ready for things (as I hadn’t really trained for the race but signed up on a whim – BIG mistake) but persevering and pushing through obstables. It included lovely, flowery language inspired by encouraging tokens of wisdom I told myself when my music stopped working and the pain started at mile 3. Well, by mile 6 that “post” went right out the window with a “f**k, this sh*t hurts.” I somehow finished the race but forgot what I had mentally written.
I wrote another post on the morning of my last day of work, the day I left my job of 3 years, the only job I have held since graduating college. That one was, again, lovely and inspirational. I had pre-Thailand stars in my eyes – it was all about stepping out of my comfort zone and it mimicked many wonderful stories I’ve come across in the travel blogosphere about leaving home. “I’m scared but I’m taking the plunge, I’m jumping in with both feet..I don’t know what is coming but I’m ready to not be ready.” While true, it was also far too trite. That would not do.
So why did I not, at any point in the last year since I decided to move abroad, publish these or other inaugural “first” posts? Well, because I did not start a blog. Why did I not start a blog? Because I am an excellent procrastinator (my family could tell you some stories) and it stressed me out too much. I was worried about what people would think and that I would not come across the way I meant to. It is one thing to journal or email people back home to update them on life, but publish those ramblings on the interwebs? That is a different animal. Judgment is a bitch and worrying about it can be paralyzing. Also, what the hell could I say that other real writers have not said already or said better for that matter? What do I have to contribute? The truth is, probably not much. Also, why would anyone want to read my musings? Beats the hell out of me, but you’re here, aren’t you?
Anyone reading who is a family member or close friend, or even an acquaintance or passing stranger I chatted with while waiting in line somewhere, knows that I LOVE to talk. And talk. For hours. And repeat myself. And tell absurdly long stories with seemingly little point to them – or by the time I reach the point I’ve lost my audience. I admit that I ramble. In person and in print, as evidenced by what you’re currently reading. Leading up to my departure and since arriving in Thailand I’ve been talking some people’s ears off at home about my life here and writing novel-length emails to a few friends in the States. But I find myself wanting to talk even more – to share more and with more people. In addition to the many travel and lifestyle blogs I follow online, a few friends in Thailand write blogs and I am consistently blown away by their honestly, candidness and bravery in putting themselves out there. I find myself relating so well to their words and I often wonder if others might relate to mine. So, here we are. I’m taking a page out of their books, biting the bullet and starting this thing.
This is for those of you I have not had a chance to catch up with who want to follow along with me and yes, for me to step out of my comfort zone in a new way. This blog will serve as a virtual bank of sorts to chronicle my many musings and ramblings as I wander across the world for I-don’t-know-how-long. I am only two months in and, so far, it’s been a wild ride. I can’t wait to start sharing. Thanks for reading!